Vacation Adventures: The Near-Miss Olympics
We’ve all been there: You're on vacation, enjoying the sweet freedom of exploration, when—bam—a near miss. 😬 Whether it’s a bicycle, a rogue Segway, a bus that seems to have lost its brakes, or even the ever-dramatic appearance of the wild, unpredictable sheep, nothing says "vacation" quite like a brush with disaster. I mean, what's a good trip without a few close calls, right?
Let’s be honest, no vacation is complete without at least one moment where you question your life choices and wonder, “Was that really a near-death experience, or just the price of admission to the theme park of travel?”
Take it from someone who’s been there—these really happened to me!
Here’s how to tell when your trip has officially crossed into "adventure" territory:
The Double Decker Bus in Lisbon: A Close Call of Epic Proportions
In Lisbon, public transportation is efficient, reliable, and—frankly—massive. Especially when it comes to those double-decker buses🚌. You’re strolling along, enjoying the sun, and suddenly you hear the distinctive rumble of a bus approaching. It’s coming at you like a slow-motion freight train. You step back, ready to be a courteous pedestrian, but—plot twist—it doesn’t stop.
It just keeps coming. 😧
There’s a terrifying moment where you’re not sure if the bus driver sees you, but you sure as heck see the bus. And it’s way too close. You scramble to the curb like a squirrel avoiding a car, and just as you think it’s over, you realize the double-decker is wide enough that you could've caught a few souvenirs from the top deck. Somehow, you survive, your heartbeat pounding in your chest, but you have to admit—this city’s buses have absolutely no chill.
The Bicycle in Amsterdam: Dodging Spokes, Speed, and an Existential Crisis
Ah, Amsterdam. Known for its charming canals, its picturesque streets, and the fact that cyclists think they own the road. You’re crossing the street, just minding your own business, when out of nowhere—a bicycle 🚴whizzes past you, missing your foot by approximately 0.3 centimeters. Your entire life flashes before your eyes as you freeze, thinking, “I swear that cyclist was aiming for me.”
In Amsterdam, there’s no such thing as “pedestrian priority.” The bicycles rule the land. And don’t even get me started on the ones with bells. A cyclist rings their bell, and suddenly, it’s like you’re in an action movie, trying to dodge the cyclist, the ringing, and the overwhelming guilt of possibly stepping into their bike lane. You barely escape, but they don’t even acknowledge the near miss. They’re too busy being cooler than you, cruising through the city like they were born with a bike attached to their soul.
The Segway in Paris: A Standoff Waiting to Happen
Paris is beautiful, right? The Eiffel Tower, the croissants, the wine... but then there's the unexpected obstacle......So, imagine this. It’s a beautiful warm sunny day with a slight breeze. You’re enjoying your stroll along the Seine River, soaking up the sun's rays, without a care in the world. And then, Bam! Out of nowhere, a segway appears with a determined driver displaying a look of pure purpose. You get sideswiped, knocked in the head and fall to the ground with the force of a truck. You get up, dazed and confused. And then it starts, the headache. But you also have a purpose. You are only in Paris for 24 hours and your itinerary is chock full. So, you get up, take some painkillers and continue on your way to the Louvre. But now you are prepared......and at the ready for the next segway encounter....you will not be taken by surprise again. Paris may be the city of love, but in this moment, it’s also the city of near-death-by-Segway. ☠
The Bus in Dublin: Yet Another Close Call
And finally, Dublin 🍀. Dublin, where the buses are so close, you can almost feel the air move as they speed past you. You’re at a crosswalk, waiting for your turn to cross the street. You see the little green man light up. You look both ways, just in case, remembering that vehicles are driving on the opposite side of the road than you are used to. You start to cross and what do you see out of the corner of your eye but a bus barreling down the road.
You look up and lock eyes with the driver of the bus. Now it is a game of chicken with no chance of winning. You instinctively jump back up to the sidewalk, but then boom, it stops just inches away from you—literally right on top of your foot. You realize then that you were holding your breath. You exhale and cross the road, thankfully unscathed.
At this point, you’re wondering if maybe Dublin’s public transport system is just an elaborate test of survival. You pass, but it’s close—so close, in fact, that you could’ve reached out and petted the bus if you were that brave. You’ve now developed an irrational fear of buses that will last until you finally leave the city.
The Sheep in Scotland: The Ultimate Roadblock
Now, let’s talk about Scotland. You’ve already gotten lost in a sea of misty mountains and rugged terrain, but here’s the real kicker—when a herd of sheep decides to take over the road. You’re driving along, probably feeling like you’ve got this whole "country road" thing figured out. But then—surprise! —a gang of woolly creatures appears out of nowhere, blocking your path. They’re not rushing to get anywhere; in fact, they’re taking their sweet time.
You slam on the brakes, half-expecting one of them to suddenly break into a dramatic sprint. Nope. They just stare at you like they know you’re the one who’s late, not them. The sheep, like some ancient deity of the Scottish countryside, hold the power in this situation. You’re a mere mortal, and you’ll wait for them to finish their leisurely stroll across the road while contemplating your life decisions.
The Near-Miss Trophy
At the end of it all: No trip—whether you’re driving through the countryside, exploring a city, or cruising along a winding coastal road—is truly complete until you’ve had a near-miss with some unpredictable, unmanageable force of nature. Every near miss adds to the adventure, and if you manage to avoid being flattened by a Segway or clobbered by a bus, then congratulations—you’ve won the real prize🏆: a vacation story that will live on long after the trip ends. Let me tell you, I have a shelf full of those prizes!!!
So, here’s to the near misses, the close calls, and the brief moments of existential dread that define the true vacation experience. Because without them, your trip would just be a boring series of safe, relaxing activities—and where’s the fun in that? 🤪
And don’t worry—the sheep always win in the end. 🐑
